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"Mission: eat as many types of potato foods as possible.
ACCEPTED" — at Boise. Airport.
"I'm wearing a white button down while rocking red lipstick, drinking fruit punch and eating ketchup. Not liking these odds..." — at Detroit Metro Airport (DTW).
"I feel all special and stuff when a passenger asks to take a pic with me. Like a famous person sans all the Botox, nice cars and loads of money! Yeah!" — at Salt Lake City International Airport (SLC).
"Jetiquette for today: I don't need to know about your infected cervix or that you stopped somking joints with your boyfriend because he has a cold sore. Those are private conversations and the seats in an airport at a gate are a very public place. I can hear you...try as I might to tune you out..." — at La Gaurdia Airport.
"Home!!! I don't have to smell Bloody Mary mix, wear polyester, use hairspray, or practice patience for 4 glorious days!!!!!" — atDetroit Michigan International Airport.
"You sure have on a lot of red today". Thanks Capt Obvious. I also have on a lot randomly spattered food, tomato juice, baby spit and some sticky substance I hope is chocolate. I'm too tired and gross to even roll my eyes at you. Shoo. — at Cincinnati International Airport.
"Group of teenage boys start checking me out and talking about how they would like to "hit that".
Me: "you need to have some respect for your elders...and pull up your pant while you're at it." All without breaking stride.
^see above for the exact moment when I realized I am turning into my mother. Shit." — at Salt Lake City Intntl. Airport.
"I won't consider you legit until you run 200 yards in heels and a red dress, pulling 50 lbs of luggage all without messing up your hair. Get on my level." — at Detroit Metro Airport (DTW).
"Stopped in the bathroom to fix my lipstick and hair when a woman in her 50's approached me to let me know I was "very beautiful". Little did she know I was having a bad day and feeling sort of down about myself and needed the smile. Random acts of kindness are the best." — at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.
"When you're this tired, there are no witty check ins.
Zell, out." — at Pensacola International Airport.
Passenger: "can I ask you a question? Are the Delta girls required not to stink?"
Me: "uhhhh....good hygiene is highly encouraged yeah...?"
Passenger: "I am not trying to be weird. It's just that all if you always smell so GOOD!"
....only in Portland lol. — at Portland International Airport.
"Heading to Paris. Again. Pretty sure it's a sign I'm supposed to live there. Will keep an eye out for husbands while cramming crepes in my mouth." — at Newark Liberty International Airport.
"Trying to decide which would be the lesser of evils...a zombie apocolypse or working this next flight." — at Memphis International Airport.
"If you want to hate someone I'm about to volunteer.....I can take it while sitting on the beach with the boys for the rest of the day!"— at Ft Lauderdale Intl Airport.
"This guy tried 3 times to sneak into first class. Not on my watch, buddy! Eyes like a hawk..." — at Lambert Saint Louis International Airport.
"Days like today remind me why I carry a wine opener with me..."— at Chicago O'Hare International Airport.
"Dear TSA:
It is a freaking corkscrew. And it is right in the bottom front pocket exactly where I told you it would be. Thanks though for spending 10 MINUTES tearing apart my flight bag, hope you had fun making the entire thing a mess. As always, totally impressed by your dedication to hiring only the brightest and the best." — at JFK - John F. Kennedy International Airport.
"Walk on left, stand on right. Apparently this is the hardest of concepts...." — at Minneapolis/Saint Paul International Airport.
"Here's to you nice guy who helped me with my bags. You are the last of a dying breed. Chivalry is always a good look, gents!" — atDetroit Metro Airport (DTW).
"Hi, my name is Angie and I spill tomato juice on people. Either this proves my theory that tomato juice is the devil or everyone else's theory that I'm klutzy.
Crap." — at Las Vegas Intl Airport, Nevada.
I see you day 3....in order to keep myself entertained I'm going to think of ways to torment the pilots. They're gonna love it, I'm sure! — at Philadelphia International Airport.
"Still in denial that I'm awake..." — at Charleston International Airport.
"I wish I could get in touch with Angie from 7 days ago, I would ask her where she parked her ride...." — at Detroit Metro Airport (DTW).
"I'm dreaming of fleece pants and a warm bed...." — at Buffalo Niagara International Airport.
"Time to open up a hurt locker on some lobster. I see you New England." — at TF Green Airport (PVD).
....and let's not forget my constant search for true happiness...
...or that time Chemistry class FINALLY came in handy (15 years later)....
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